When it was reported back in February that Anderson Silva (pictured) had failed his UFC 183 pre-fight drug test for two different performance-enhancing substances, it felt just like the time my buddy broke my heart on the playground by telling me there was no such thing as Santa Claus.
However, there was still a glimmer of hope that my friend was wrong because who else was leaving those presents under the Christmas tree every year? Silva emphatically cried innocence from the jump, so he must have had a highly sophisticated, scientific explanation on why he flunked drug screenings on two separate occasions.
Then Thursday’s Nevada Athletic Commission hearing came around. There was hard evidence, alright. Of a cheater that’s lied so much over the past seven months that he has convinced himself he’s actually telling the truth.
It was like I was back on Ralph Waldo Emerson Elementary’s playground again, only this time I had confirmation that Santa was a phony. It was as if I had caught my dad getting dressed up in his Santa costume, stashing gifts under the tree and scarfing down the cookies I left out for the REAL Kris Kringle on Christmas Eve.
Silva reportedly delayed his meeting with the NAC on multiple occasions to build a no-way-no-how-did-I-cheat-and-I-will-prove-it defense. Instead, his defense team performed more like Ringling Bros. than Johnnie Cochran.
There was a translator who didn’t seem to speak English or Portuguese, a specialist who specialized in absolutely nothing, a mysterious blue vial from Thailand that Silva consumed for three months despite not knowing its contents other than it should help his sexual performance, and then there was Silva himself, who was as aloof as always at a time he needed to be as engaged as ever.
NAC chairman Francisco Aguilar even accused Silva of showing no remorse.
When the gavel finally dropped, Silva was banned for a year (really only five more months since he already postponed this hearing for seven months) and docked $380,000 (essentially chump change for the multimillionaire).
The most decorated champion in MMA history now has an asterisk by his résumé. The man many considered to be the game’s GOAT is now just another cheating ass.
I will never look at Anderson Silva, much like I do Jolly Old St. Nick, the same ever again.
Thanks, mysterious blue vial from Thailand. Thanks for ruining MMA’s Santa for me.